Creating a scene

0

Tip from the Myslexia writer’s diary:

“Write a scene or a poem in which you find yourself in a deserted house.  How does it feel?  Smell?  What clues are there as to whose it is and what has happened there?  Snoop into a variety of lives and, for a twist, try entering under different guises.”

Although I did not follow this exercise exactly, this is the scene I wrote:

 

Serendipity

EACH in their own way, Susan and Matthew braced themselves before entering the house: Susan took a deep breath and Matthew released his breath. Once inside, they were welcomed by a dusty smell of old air. Their hollow footsteps crunched grains of sand on the wooden floor as they walked into the middle of the front-room.
“It seems longer than a year doesn’t it?” asked Susan, her toe gently testing a loose floor panel jutting out of place.
“To me it feels like yesterday, but if you’re referring to how run-down this place has got, then I agree: it does seem like it’s been many years.” Replied Matthew as he made his way towards the window. “We need some fresh air in here.”

Susan pulled a sheet off the sofa and stepped back as a spider scuttled away from its now-disturbed home.
“So what do you think, should we sell?” asked Susan.
“Oh I don‟t know Susan. There are so many memories here. This house oozes memories.” Replied Matthew, before asking, “What do you think?”
“I’m not sure either, part of me wants everything to be the way it was and the closest we could get to that would be to keep the place and move back here.” Said Susan, heading towards the kitchen.

In the sink lay Matthew’s mug, the one with “I love you daddy” printed on the side. Seeing it brought a pang of sadness, the days were getting easier, but there were still plenty of reminders. She turned on the tap. The pipes in the walls shuddered and groaned before rusty water sputtered out the tap.
“God I forgot how shit the bloody plumbing was here.” She mumbled to herself and turned away, leaving the kitchen to join Matthew.

Matthew was in the second bedroom, standing motionless and looking at the window. It was vacant: no bed, no cupboards, nothing but his mother’s old hand-embroidered, red-edged net curtain at the window. The small round bullet-hole seemed symmetrically perfect in the centre, but the red edging, once admired for its neat detail, now gave the curtain a surreal look.

She noticed Kitty’s orange toy mouse in the corner of the room, its bell jingled as she picked it up and catnip crushed out of the open seam.
“Mum would have wanted us to move back you know.” Said Matthew.
“Perhaps so.” Said Susan, “But this place needs work – did you hear the damn tap – it sounded like World War 2 in there! But it’s all fixable with the right handyman.”
Matthew mumbled acknowledgement. He didn’t really want to move back either, but couldn’t find an emotional reason why they shouldn’t.

“Excuse me?” said a young voice from behind them.
Surprised, Susan and Matthew spun around to face the voice. It was a little boy, about the same age as Ryan, he even looked a bit like him. He was barefoot and looked up at them with bright inquiring eyes.
“My daddy sez you’s going ta sell this house?” said the boy.
“Well, that’s not a definite decision yet.” Replied Matthew.
“Coz my daddy sez if you’s sell this house then we could buy it and me and me sisters could all live here and there would be space for us all.” Continued the boy.
“Who is your daddy?” asked Susan
“My daddy‟s the caretaker at school and he‟s just got a pomo-shin and they’s going to pay him more money and he sez we don’t have to all live in the same room no more coz we can live here and all have our own rooms then.” Rambled the boy.
Susan and Matthew stared in silence at the little boy, then looked at each other, and looked back at the boy again.

“Where is your daddy now?” asked Matthew.
“He’s working late at school again. I‟m not s’posed to be here. Really s’posed ta be at school until he finishes but I could see you’s come into the house – I could see you’s from the school window and I’s wanted to come an see my new room from the inside an I’m sorry I didn’t knock but the door was open.” The boy rattled off – mostly in one breath.

Susan and Matthew looked at each other again and smiled. They’d been married long enough to know what the other was thinking. Their decision had been made. Matthew took out a business card, knelt down to the little boy and said, “You give this to your daddy and you ask him to call me ok?”

“Okay mister.” Said the little boy, as he ran off excitedly.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Copyright © 2010-2024 A writing journey All rights reserved.
This site is using the Desk Mess Mirrored theme, v2.5, from BuyNowShop.com.